I pretty much stick to my weekly updates but I really just felt the need to post one today.
On http://www.babycenter.com they have birth clubs. Naturally I joined the August 2010 one, since McKenna is due in August. They have a Birth Announcement thread. If you haven’t made the connection yet, it’s birth announcements for babies that were due in August and have already been born. This is the saddest thing I have ever seen. These are women just like me…as far along in their pregnancies as I am mine…and their babies have already been born. I couldn’t even imagine. Now that we’re getting closer to August, more and more of them are making it with some help from the NICU. Some, sadly, still are not. I came across one of these mothers that started a blog when she found out she was pregnant, like I did. The format of her blog is letters to her baby. They start off normal talking about what she was feeling and what they’d gotten for the baby. Then all of a sudden she had a sono and her baby didn’t have a heartbeat anymore. I can’t even come close to being able to imagine the kind of pain she must be feeling. I don’t want to belittle anyone’s pain when I say this…It’s painful enough, no doubt, to lose a child at any stage of pregnancy. I would think it would have to be so much worse to be that close to having her…For her to be developed enough that she could survive in the world with a little help then to just lose her. It ended up being from a blood clot in her umbilical cord. That beautiful little baby girl should be here now with her mommy.
It honestly has me so scared!! If McKenna were to be born now, she would be ok. I’m so close to the end. So close to being able to hold my little baby in my arms. I just want to have her now so something senseless doesn’t happen to her in the next 9 1/2 weeks. I can’t stop thinking about this, though. I know I can always what-if myself into oblivion….so I try not to.
I’m ready for her. I want her to just hurry up and get here so I can protect her. So I can keep her safe. I feel somewhat useless knowing that she’s inside me and I can’t protect her from everything. That even thought she’s all snug and “safe” in mommy’s tummy, there are certain things I can’t stop from happening. I don’t like that feeling.
So anyway, if you would, keep all of these poor mothers in your thoughts as they are forced to deal with these unimaginable trials. I’m sure they could use all the good energy they can get. Also remember that nothing is guaranteed in life.